so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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