you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
