i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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