Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
