It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
