We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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