white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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