a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I can't put those talents on a resume
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
