Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
