I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
