My girlfriend figured out who you are.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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