Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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