Just fell off a train. Bad.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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