this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
