Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
