tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
