I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
