So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
