You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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