Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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