I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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