he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Boobs are out for the taking
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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