i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
