I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
