drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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