I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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