I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
