I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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