I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
