Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
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