Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
