Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
