Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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