you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
