my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
