I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
