I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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