i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
