I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
