I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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