Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
