Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
