She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
