Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's official drugs can't kill me
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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