I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
