All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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