1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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