Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
