My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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