It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
