nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
