Cold hands, warm shart.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
