He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
