i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No subtext here. People are naked.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
